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I feel as though I'm about to sit my A-levels all over again. Mairead phones to tell me about M, who is 46, in wealth management, whatever that is, and a divorced father of two grown-up boys. We agree to meet the following night in the bar at Claridges. I buy a black lace skirt and silver platforms from Prada, and get my hair done.

I tell him I have dark hair, and will be wearing purple Burberry platforms. I invest in a Hollywood wax, and an all-over light sheen of fake tan.

Why, you can enjoy the company of a southern gentleman or southern belle.

You can exchange banter with an opinionated northeasterner or you can just chill with the laidback folk on the west coast.

It doesn’t take that long to do—in three simple steps, you could be chatting up some of the best singles the country has to offer. As soon as you’ve created your user name, you’ll be asked to upload a photograph and fill out a profile. According to britishcouncil.org, most people remember the details of their first kiss vividly – with about 90% clarity, in fact. It sucks being caught out on Valentine’s Day, single as can be. Is she the woman with whom you want to build a life?

This will be your opportunity to wow American singles and score yourself a date! What’s more is that a bad kiss can ruin your chances of dating your kissing partner long-term. Like a lone wolf trapped on a floating iceberg, how will you ever return to your wolf pack and find a hot wolf-mate to love? When you date a man or a woman, the feely-weelies and sickening lovey-doveyness at…

While the motto may be inspirational and makes you want to do great things, sometimes the stereotypes of it is people is less than flattering.

'But him not paying for things was not the deal breaker. I'm a romantic in that I expect the man I'm with not to even look at other women - to be like my dad, in other words - but then I come over all feminist if he attempts to pay for dinner. I'd feel like a prostitute.' Mairead says I am, compared to her other female clients, all of whom want to be looked after by a man, very unusual.

'You need someone generous,' she said, my husband's name unspoken between us, 'with a bank account, not a piggy bank'.

And so, just before Christmas, I meet Mairead Molloy.

With such a terrible track record, I started to realise that, if I couldn't meet someone when I was in my prime, how on earth was I going to meet someone now I'm 50?

My friend Kerry, tired of my moaning, had told me about an upmarket dating agency that takes on only high-achieving rich people.

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